253 Baby!!!!

Me @ 253 lbs.

Friday is my official weigh in day. And this morning I hit 253lbs!!!! I am so excited. Husband has been riding me because I haven't been eating like I should so that makes me even more proud to be 253lbs. I cannot wait to get to 249, I haven't been less than 250lbs in I don't know when!!!!!

Yay me!!!!

One more day.....

 Ok, so I had a 3 day weekend last week and a 3 day weekend coming up, so that means I am only working 3 days this week. AMEN!!!! I have had a rough day and a half at work this week. DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA, it is hard working with backstabbing women! I am so ready for a vacation. We are headed to Gatlinburg for Father's Day and I cannot wait!!!

 I broke down and had a bacon sandwich and a milkshake for lunch. I know, I know, it's terrible. I am so frustrated with myself and with my job I just freaked out and did it. Shame on me! I will have to hit the Sweatin to the Oldies extra hard tonight. I need to lose 3 more pounds by next Wednesday to meet my goal. I know I can do it if I can stay away from the bacon sandwiches and milkshakes.

 We have 2 birthday parties this weekend, along with 2 softball games. Our weekends are always FULL. The husband got off work at lunch time today and is having a 3 day weekend again also. So, hopefully we can find some time to get some stuff done around the house.....like opening our pool!!!!

Memorial Day Weekend

 Back at work today after 3 days off. I had a wonderful relaxing weekend with my family. We did nothing and it was GREAT!!!! And what's even better is I only have to work 3 days this week. B is graduating 5th grade on Friday. It is so bittersweet for me. I am so proud of her but on the other hand I am so sad that she is growing up and will be in Middle school next year :(

 I am now holding steady at 255lbs. Thats a total of 37lbs lost since January. I have been exercising alot more. I am determined to be at least 252lbs by June 6th! We have been playing tennis, well, I guess you can call it that. We do not know the rules or how to keep score or any of that but we have fun playing around and it gets us off the couch and moving.

 I have been going to the tanning bed (I know, I know....it's bad for me) and I enjoy it. I now have some color to me and don't look so much like Casper the friendly ghost. It helps me feel better about myself. I still can't look at myself and tell that I've lost weight (well, a little in my face), but this morning we had a corporate meeting at work and a lady from one of our lots complimented me and told me I look AMAZING. What? Can you repeat that? Amazing you say??? Wow, that felt good! And this morning B told me that I look beautiful today. Tear*

 Well, I hope all you blog landers have a great week!!!!

Memorial Day Weekend....

 Let me start by saying 5 o'clock cannot get here fast enough today. I am beyond ready for a long weekend with Husband. Tonight he has a softball game and Sunday we have Homecoming at church. We are eating dinner at church, a bunch of southern Baptist women cooking, you know what that means.....It is going to be so hard to resist stuffing myself to the gills.

 I weighed in at 256lbs last night. I hate the fluctuating!!!!! I am still counting down the days to my "fill". I hope I'm not having unrealistic expectations about it. I am ready to only be able to eat small amounts. Right now I can eat anything and just about however much I want of it. I have been doing better about getting my 64oz of water in a day. Well, water is all that I drink. I haven't had sweet teat or soda since January. I don't know how I do it! I brought a 16oz cup to work and I keep a gallon of Crystal Light Lemonade in the fridge and I make myself drink at least 3 of my cups of it during the day. It makes me pee like CRAZY, but I guess that's good for me.

 B is spending the night with her Nana tonight. Maybe that means a date for me & Husband after the game!!!!

 Hope everyone has a safe and Happy long weekend!!!

Motivation .....

 I woke up today with most of the back pain gone! Woohoo!!! I also woke up today with motivation out the wazoo. I am determined to lose at least 5 more pounds by my "fill" which is June 6th. That is 13 days away. I can do it, right? My original goal was to be 242lbs by then, but I don't see that happening, so my new goal is to be 252lbs. Hmmmm, yes I have gained a pound or two back, I weighed in at 257 last night. If I can get to 252 by June 6th that will be a total of 40lbs since I started this journey in January and 15lbs since my surgery. May not be a big deal to most but it is huge for me, mostly because I'm sick of being huge! I haven't weighed 250 ish pounds in over 11 years.

 I have been slack in what I'm eating and super slack in the exercise department, especially this week with all the back pain and what not. I am determined starting today (right after the chicken minis my boss brought me for breakfast) that I am going to eat better and exercise daily. So Richard Simmons better bring it on!!!!!!! Hopefully we will get our pool opened soon too, so I can get some exercise in it too.

 On a different note, the finale of AI was the worst finale I have seen. But I am glad Phillip Phillips won. He is HOT!!!! I cannot wait to buy his CD.

Same Ol' Same Ol'

  Today is Wednesday, and my back is no better :( I am weighing in at 257lbs. WHAT THE HECK!!!!!! I went down to 255 now I'm back up. I cannot wait to get a "fill". I am concerned that I won't be able to do this. What if I did this surgery and I don't lose any weight? I realize that it is still super early in the game, but it scares me. I have not been able to exercise since Sunday because of this back pain, so hopefully in the next day or two this pain will leave me and I can get back to the grind stone.

 Next Friday is B's last day of elementary school. I can't believe my only baby is going to middle school. We went to Academic night on Monday. That is for the students who have kept all A's for the first 3 9 weeks. There were only 30 kids in the entire school with that accomplishment. I was teary the whole time we were there, I can only imagine how emotional I'll be at awards day and 5th grade graduation.

 I am so ready for a vacation. I want to just go away for a few days and do NOTHING! maybe just sit on the porch of a cabin in the mountains and read a book. Aaahhhhh, that would be nice, just don't know if it will happen.

Softball.....Back Injury

 Oh my back! Sunday afternnon Husband, B, and I went to the ball field to hit some softballs (exercise you know). Well, apparently I pulled my back. It was hurting a little yesterday but today I can barely move!!!! It is HORRIBLE!!!! I can't even stand up straight and I look like I'm 150 years old when I try to walk. But none the less I came to work, unlike some people. Some people that I work with lay out at least once a week. It is rather ridiculous! Hopefully I will get some relief soon.

Monday Again

 Hello, blogland! Well, it's Monday again, uuggghhhh! I had a wonderful weekend. On Saturday we went to Charlotte for the All Start Race. We had a great time but hated seeing Jimmy Johnson win.

 Again I feel like I am stuck at the same weight. I haven't been eating the best, but I have been eating way better than before. I have been exercising more. It is not looking too good for my goal of 242lbs by June 6th :( I am glad that I'm down a total of 36lbs. I got down to 255 but I am back up to 256lbs, but it is frustrating because I am just so ready to have this weight GONE!!!!! My first fill is scheduled for Wednesday June 6, 2012, so hopefully that will help me out. I really don't know what to expect from the fill, but I am excited to find out! Right now I have NO restriction, so it is very hard for me.

 I am having to go bathing suit shopping this week and am not looking forward to it. I said I wasn't buying one this year but mine from last year is too big (which is a good thing). Hopefully I can find one.

Kids.....

 Ok, so I have been a little more than stressed lately. I don't know if it's the weight loss, or lack there of, or if it's the pre-teen I live with! I am finally at the weight I was the day I had said pre-teen, so I am happy with that. I have the hardest time with that child getting up and ready for school. On Tuesday I left her at home because she won't get up and get ready. See, I have a 45 minute drive to work so I have to leave my house no later than 7:05am to get her to school and me to work on time. That particular day she didn't get up until 6:54am, so I left her at home.....I caved and turned around and took her to school but warned her the next time I would not be so nice. On Wednesday she got right up and ready to go, so I thought the lesson had been learned. NOT! Today I get her up 1 hour and 20 minutes before we have to leave, she took 30 minutes to get out of the bed and use the bathroom, so I got in the shower ahead of her (we are a one bathroom household). She went back to bed!!!!! So I finished getting ready and she got back up 10 minutes before time to leave, I reminded her of Tuesday and told her I was not waiting on her. So today she was left at home with a very long list of chores.

 AM I A HORRIBLE PARENT FOR THIS?????

Emotions

 Mother's Day is a very emotional day for me. You see, I am the mother of an 11 year old daughter which I love dearly, but I do not have a relationship with my own mother. I have never felt that my own mother ever really cared for me or about me like she does her other 3 children. We have had an up and down relationship most of my life. As a small child my dad got full custody of me, but I still moved back and forth between them (whenever one of them got tired of "raising" me then I would would go to the other one). I have an older sister, a younger sister and brother by her and they all have chosen a very different lifestyle than me. They all chose a life of drugs and drinking and not working or taking care of their children, and I am the one made to feel like an outcast, like I am a bad person. I had finally had enough and just couldn't take it anymore. So about 7 years ago I walked away. Then maybe 2 years ago I decided to give it ne more try, same ol' same ol'. I can't be a part of that lifestyle and I most certainly don't want to have my daughter around it. So, why do I feel so bad? I am doing what's right for my daughter and my family, but for some reason I still feel like a horrible person.

 We have a Mother's Day March at church every mother's day and I dread it, starting about a week before Mother's Day. We all give an offering and say "in honor of" or "in memory of" and our mother's name. I never have a name to say and it makes me feel terrible, like everyone is looking at me saying, "wow, she doesn't love her mother." I have also been very frustrated with my weight loss lately, causing me to be extra stressed, so I flipped out on my own daughter one morning this week over fixing her hair, and then this morning the same thing happened, causing an arguement with her and Husband. I really hate that I have been this way and that I have taken it out on them. They have done nothing wrong. They are both super supportive of my decision to have this surgery and they both motivate and encourage me everyday. I would not be able to do this without them.

 NICE TO GET THAT OUT!

 On a happier note, I have finally lost a few pounds. As of this morning I am 255lbs. That is the same weight I was the day B (my daughter) was born 11 years ago. I haven't seen that # on the scale in a long long time. Needless to say I was very excited!

T.G.I.F.

 Man, am I glad it's Friday! This has been a very long, very stressful work week. I am ready for the weekend! We have a busy weekend ahead (as always). Softball and dinner with some awesome people tonight, funeral and family (husband's) cookout tomorrow & The Southern 500 @ Darlington (one of my favorite tracks) is tomorrow night, and Sunday is Mother's day, so that will be a day filled with visiting. Then to start all over again on Monday. Next week I'll be counting down the days til the Allstar Race in Charlotte! This will be the first NASCAR race we've been to and I can't wait!

 I am still holding steady at 258lbs. I am sooooo frustrated about it too. I do realize it's not going to happen overnight, but I fell as though I should be further along than I am. Uuugggghhhhhhh........Anyway, I'm going to keep on keeping on. I WILL lose this weight!


 Hope y'all all have a FABULOUS weekend!!!!

Ready for a "fill"

 So, yesterday was a good day. We went to a friend's college graduation and out to supper to celebrate him. My family is very blessed to have such great friends.

 By the time we got out of the graduation and to Outback I was STARVING! I ordered what I thought was a good healthy meal. (grilled salmon & steamed broccoli) The broccoli was full of butter. I guess that's why they told me to make sure I know how it's cooked. So I messed up on that one.

 I still fell like nothing is happening on the weight loss front. I am holding steady at 258-260lbs. I have been trying to eat really well, but I feel like I am ready for a "fill" and I still have four weeks to go. I am so scared I am going to mess up because I don't have any restriction at all. My husband continues to root me on and motivates and encourages me. I am lucky to have him! I didn't get any exercise in yesterday as I left home at 7am to head to work and didn't walk back in the door until almost 10:30pm last night. Am I the only one who feels like I may have made a mistake getting banded? Don't get me wrong, I am very excited about my new life and I am making changes for the better everyday. But, I feel like even though I am 36lbs down since January, I am getting nowhere in the big scheme of it all and I am afraid of failing at this. I realize it's not going to happen overnight, but I feel like I should be further along than I am. I am only 10lbs doen since surgery on April 9, 2012.  I am just a little discouraged. I think I will feel better when I finally get a "fill".

 Well, I'm done with my pity party, now I feel better. Off to have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY!!! Hope you all do the same!

April 9, 2012....leaving for surgery, weighing in at 267lbs.

Excitement

   I know, I know, it's my third post today, but I am so excited about this blog!

  I just got back home from a 4 mile walk with my family. Normally this time of night I would be sitting on the couch eating ice cream, or cookies, or some other delicious junk food watching TV, but not anymore. This is my new life and I'm not screwing it up!

  This past week I have been a little discouraged, I haven't lost that much weight and I haven't been eating great. Remember, I still have no fluid in my band, so I am scared I am eating too much. I am determined to do better this week. My goal is to lose 14lbs before June 6, 2012. That is when I go back to the doctor for my first "fill". I pack my luch for work everyday so I'm not tempted to eat out. For supper I had baked salmon patties (recipe from pinterest), steamed butternut squash, and green beans. It was oh so yummy!!!! Oh, and over the weekend I ate steamed broccoli and actually loved it, who'd of thought?  But tomorrow night we are going to a friends graduation and going out to eat afterwards so I'm a little nervous. Wish me luck!

  I almost can't believe what a lucky girl I am. # 1 because I have God on my side, with out Him I couldn't do any of this. # 2 I have an awesome support group, my (skinny minny) husband encourages me everyday, my wonderful daughter has been exercising with me too. I have great friends that root me on. And I have a fellow bander that helps me through, she has been an inspiration to me. I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for her. So, I want to say thank you to you all!!!!

  Well, it's off to the shower then I'm hittin the sack. 4 miles makes you tired!

 

 

5K

I should have said this in my first blog, but it was my first time and I didn't think about it.....

On Friday May 4, 2012 I did my very first 5K. I loved almost every minute of it (the big hill kicked my tail). It was hard but I was so proud when I crossed the finish line in 55:27, I had tears in my eyes. 3.5 months ago it wore me out to walk to my mailbox so I would have never dreamed that I would complete a 5K this soon, much less jog parts of it. I am ready to do another one!

May 7, 2012

 This is my first EVER blog! I started my DOWNSIZING journey on January 19, 2012. Since then I have lost a total of 35 pounds. My Lapband surgery was on April 9, 2012, since then I have lost 10 pounds. This is tough, but I'm doing it! I never want to hear anyone say that weight loss surgery is the "easy way out" because it is not easy!
  I have my first "fill" on June 6, 2012. I am really looking forward to that.