Today is the day.....

 That I get back on the wagon. Since my radiation started in October I have been in fat girl mode....eating whatever and being lazy. Well, the scale shows it. At my last "fill" appointment I weighed 237lbs, this morning I weighed 240lbs. That sucks. I go back to my surgeon this morning, not sure if I will get a "fill" or not, but as of right now I am back at it. No more excuses. It bothers me that I had a set back, I feel like I have failed, but I'm sucking that up and starting over!!!! I have 80 more pounds to lose and I will do it!!!!

 I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. My family and I did.

 Happy New year to you all and God Bless you.

Weekend

 B & I went to Georgia to visit the sister in law this weekend and do some Christmas shopping. She lives in Woodbine Georgia (almost to Florida). It is about a 5.5 hour drive, not that bad. We got to her house at about 8:30pm Friday. Saturday we left her house at 9:30am and headed to Jacksonville, Florida to go shopping. We returned to her house at 10:00pm. I got up early and was on the road headed back home at 7:45am today. We made it home by 2pm. Boy am I tired, but we had a really good time and are looking forward to going back in the spring and staying longer, and Husband will get to go then!!!!

 Now onto the shopping......I got several gifts bought, but I still have several to buy. I had planned on getting my brother some Florida Gators items but that didn't happen.  Since I was in Jacksonville I thought that would be easy peasy.....not so much! I found a couple hoodies and 2 blankets. He has that stuff. DISAPPOINTED!!!!! Oh well, money it will be for him. He'd probably rather have that anyway since he's a 17 year old boy.

 B got a ton of clothes. I didn't plan on shopping for her, but she had other plans! She loved Wet Seal and forever 21. She's 11!!!! She had a really fun time with her cousin, who is 12 (they think they're 17). They went skating from 7-10pm Saturday. This is the first time B has ever done anything like that without parental supervision. She LOVED it!!!!!

Christmas Spirit

 I'll start with my doctor visit. It has been 3 months since my last visit to my band doctor. The appointment I had today has been scheduled since the last visit. I have been dreading it because y'all know I have gained weight. I seriously thought about rescheduling the appointment, but Husband said I probably needed a little fill and some motivation, so I went on. And I did gain weight......ONE POUND!!!!!! And that could be the difference in the clothes I was wearing (3 months ago I probably had on a light weight tank top and skirt with flip flops, today I have on long sleeves, khakis, and full shoes) although, I did try to find some light weight stuff to wear today. I am impressed and so was the doc. We talked about the radiation and that the radiation doc didn't want me to lose any weight during radiation and for a month after, which is December 12th. The band doc agreed and I go back in 3 weeks. I talked with the nutritionist and got some good info. So I am going to try to get in more protein and eat better but not lose a significant amount of weight by then.

 Now onto CHRISTMAS!!!!! The last several years I have not been in the Christmas Spirit, but this year I am!!!! I normally put up my tree the Saturday after Thanksgiving, but this year my house is a wreck from the renovations, so I have up a 4ft snowman tree. It is adorable! I am ready to get presents under it.....eeerrrrrr....near it. This weekend I am heading to Georgia to go Christmas shopping with my Sister In Law, we are not the best of friends, but I am really looking forward to it. Husband probably has to work this weekend so it will just be B & I going, but I am still excited. I don't know what has gotten into me this year but I like it!!!! The Travelers Rest Christmas Parade is next weekend and I am in charge of our church's float. The theme is Christmas Through The Years. Then I am doing a movie night for the kids at church.....we are watching the Grinch and having Grinch punch, Grinch cupcakes, cookies, brownies, and any other goodies we can think of (I'll just have water). We have Christmas with the children planned and our Christmas Cantata. I am really excited for all of these events. It is a very busy month for my family and normally I dread it but this year I can't wait for all the hustle and bustle!!!!!

Merry Christmas, Y'all!!!!!

TTT 11-15-12

Ten Things Thursday.....

1. Wow, 2 posts in one day!!!! What is this world coming to. Oh, I know, I'm bored as heck at work.

2. My back is really killing me. I want to go home but we are short staffed today and the boss isn't too happy.

3. One more week until Thanksgiving!!!! Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.....I know what you're thinking, "I'm sure it is, fat girl."

4. We got a new puppy, not sure if I have talked about her on here before. She is a Rhodesian Ridgeback / Black and Tan Coonhound mix. Her name is Mabel, she is adorable but WILD!!!

5. We still have a good way to go on the house. We have most of it sided, the back door and front door are hung, the windows are in, and the porch is poured. They still have to finish the windows and doors, build the awning on the porch, do the roof and finish the siding. And.....after all that's done they will start on the bathroom, you know the bathroom of which we only have one.....they better move on with it!!!!

6. B is getting so grown. Middle School has changed her. She doesn't act like she's 11, she acts like she's 17! What do I do????

7. Tomorrow is car wash day at work. We have some guys that come every other Friday and wash our cars. The last time they were supposed to come they didn't because their van broke down, so it has been a month since my car has been cleaned up. I know.....LAZY MUCH???? I am not a car washer, never have been, never will be.

8. Husband wanted homemade soup since he is sick, I don't make homemade soup. So his step-dad made him some, well since I hurt my back I decided to play that card and get some chili beans. How nice that he doesn't even really like me but he is making me some chili beans tomorrow.

9. Work is getting on my freakin nerves. I work with a lady that I have become very close with, but I believe she is two-faced. I don't want to be ugly to her, but it is getting on my nerves. If you don't want to be friends everyday then fine, but I don't want to be friends when she wants something. And she acts like she can't stand 2 other girls in the office but today they are best of friends......Hmmmm

10. I am making all sorts of goodies for Thanksgiving.....For church I am making Potato Salad and Butter Pecan Cake. For Husband's family I am making Turkey Cookies, Broccoli Caserole, and Carmel Candy Apple Cake (I am not making this, a lady that does cakes for my office is). For my daddy's I am making Turkey Cookies and Butter Pecan Cake. Yummo!!!!!

Holy Mother of......

 I have been back at eating good this week, well, except for the white fudge covered oreos I devoured last night. I just couldn't resist them. I had to run in Wal-Mart for some milk and Husband's medicine, and they had a big display of them. I walked on past the first time, but the second time I couldn't resisit ....they were screaming my name. Oh well, back at it today.

 This morning I hurt my back in the shower. Like, hurt it to the point that I can barely move. I couldn't even bend down to turn the water off, B had to come do it. I really don't want to go to the doctor for this, but I am in major pain. A lady I work with gave me an Ultram, I hope it works.

 I am so ready for the holidays, not prepared, just ready. I am never in the Christmas spirit this early, but for some reason this year I am. I am ready to put my Christmas tree up.....I know, I know.....it's too early. Hold onto your horses.....my house is being renovated so it is tore slap apart, so I won't be putting my tree up anytime soon. I probably won't get to put it up until December, normally I do it during the Clemson/Carolina game (the Saturday after Thanksgiving for those of you not from around here). We also want to do the Polar Express this year. It's a train ride in Bryson City, NC that takes you to the North Pole and Santa gives each child a silver bell just like from the story. B is getting a little old for it, but she said she wants to do it this year. Only problem, it's rather pricey and there is limited availability.

Back at it

 Today is my last radiation treatment!!! Halle freakin luiah!!!!! It actually has gone by pretty fast for me. So with today being my last day for treatment, it is also my first day to get back at it. They told me not to lose any weight while on radiation, so as of today, I'm back at eating good and exercising. This is going to be tough, seeing as how for 5 weeks I have stuffed my face with crap and sat on my couch watching TV. No more!!!!! I go back to my weight loss surgeon on the 28th and I would love to be out of the 230's, but I don't see that happening. I weighed 238 this morning, that sucks!!!! I actually gained a few pounds over these last few weeks. Oh Well, back at it, get those few pounds back off!!!!!

MIA...SOA...BRYA

I know I have been abscent from the blogger for a while.....SORRY.....I have been trying to read and stay on top of everybody's blogs, just not posting myself.

I have been so discouraged, y'all know I was told I can't lose any weight while on radiation and for a month after. So I have been holding steady. I guess that's a good thing, at least I'm not gaining.

I have a new addiction...............

SONS OF ANARCHY

Me and the husband have started watching it from Season 1 on Netflix and I cannot stop watching it. I am so in love with Jax Teller. I am starting season 3 tonight. This addiction is so bad that I can't stop thinking about it at work, I watch it online and then re-watch it with husband. I will be so sad when I'm done with the past seasons and have to wait for it to come on Tuesday nights.

Tonight is B's last football game with BRYA this year. It is going to be C.O.L.D. but I'm not complaining, I have been waiting on this cold weather since about April. They are doing a thriller half time show, so that's exciting!

Radiation

 Let me just say.....RADIATION SUCKS!!!!!!! I have to go Monday - Friday everyday for 5 weeks.

 Yesterday was my first of 25 treatments. I was scared to death and the only thing I was looking forward to is it being over.  It blew!!!!! I was so tired I could barely get out of bed, and I was sick. I couldn't eat but was vomitting, so we all know how that goes. Today my throat feels raw and I'm still tired. I hope I can make it. They said it shouldn't make me sick, but it's different for everyone. Also they told me yesterday not to lose ANY weight from now until at least a month after the treatments are over. WHAT???? If I can't eat and vomit how am I suppose to maintain my weight, and futhermore I don't want to maintain this weight. This morning I was 235lbs, I really wanted to be 200lbs by the end of this year. Now I feel defeated. I FREAKIN HATE RADIATION!!!!! And brain tumors for that matter. I know that all of this is part of God's plan for my life and that he already has it worked out and that I have to keep my faith in Him, but that doesn't make it suck any less.

 On a happier note, I couldn't be more proud of husband, he was ordained as a deacon Sunday night. He has come a very long way.

I'll Be up in the club just workin on my Fitness

 I have never heard that song before but Husband refers to it alot.

 I plan on getting back at it tomorrow. There were a few weekends when I got up early, before anybody else that lives in my house, and went for a walk/jog.....and I freakin loved it! I plan on starting that back up tomorrow morning. B will be at her Nana's and Husband will be at work, so I will be able to get up and go. I go 2.6 miles around my neighborhood, I know it's not far but it's good for me and I love it!!!!! I have been eating better this week too. I was 237lbs at my last adjustment and today I am....wait for it.....237lbs. Dang it!!!! I go back November 28th, so hopefully I will have lost some by then.....surely.

 I start radiation next Tuesday, I am still not happy about it, but it is what it is. I hope that I have energy to exercise during those 5 weeks. They told me I can't lose more thatn 10-15lbs, and I am going to try to lose just that!

 We are having our house remodeled and it is stressing me out!!!! Picking colors for the outside was hard enough, now we've decided to do our bathroom too, and I am having a heck of a time picking stuff for it.

Down n Out

 I haven't blogged in a week. I am sick. Sick of not seeing any movement on the scale, sick of feeling like a big fat blob, sick of still being able to fit into some of the clothes that I thought for sure would fall off of me by this point. Why, you ask isn't the scale moving......well......that's because I have been eating crap and not exercising. It sickens me that I have let myself do this. I haven't lost any weight in about 3 weeks, and I have done it to my self. Yes, I am having a pity party right now. I am sad about having to have radiation, so I have just not cared about much else. I know I have to get over it. I also had an unrealistic goal to lose 35lbs by Thanksgiving....NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. My radiation doc told me I cannot lose more than 10lbs during my treatment.

 What am I going to do about this???? Starting right now (because I just finished all the junk in my lunchbox) I am going to do better. So what if I have to have radiation, so many more people have it way worse than I do. No more Carmel Bugles..... no more Candy Corn M&Ms...... no more eating out for lunch...... no more junk!!!! I am going to start back walking (I haven't done that in at least 2 weeks) and I am going to try to do the 30 day shred. Even if I'm not supposed to lose more than 10lbs in 5 weeks, that's still 10lbs that I can lose! And I can get some exercise in and not feel like a big blob! And after my radiation is over I plan to join a gym. I still have 75-80lbs I want to lose. And I can't wait to HAVE to buy new blue jeans, I can still fit the old ones, although they are very lose and I have to wear a belt I don't want to be able to even put these on my body! I can do it....I hope. It scares me because you always have people that say, "oh, such n such had that surgery and it didn't work." I don't want to be that such n such.

 Ok, pity party over!

Blah Blah Blah

 That's how I feel lately. I am back up to 236lbs. it is my own fault, I haven't been eating the best and I haven't been exercising.

 I went last week to have the mask made for my radiation but they couldn't do it because apparently my humongous boobs got in the way and the machine couldn't read the globes. WTH????? I have TINY boobies. They have it rescheduled for this Friday at another location. Also, they informed me that I have to take adavan (sp) before the appointment. I don't know how I feel about this.....I have a hard time with medication. 2 Tylenol just about knock me out. So therefore, I have to miss a whole day of work plus have someone drive me. I am already sick of this radiation bull malarkey and I haven't even started yet.

 We are having some work done to our house (metal roof, vinyl siding, new windows, and a new deck) so we have had 3 different guys come out to give us estimates. 2 of them gave us similar info on how they would do the job, one of them was totally different. It will be hard to choose who to do it because we like them all.

Goals

 I didn't blog yesterday, but I did weigh in and was at 234.6lbs. That's a total loss of 58lbs since January. I am super proud if that, although I wish it were higher. I am still dying to try out 9 Rounds. Some friends of mine are doing it and LOVE it. For those that don't know what it is, it's a 30 minute workout with a trainer. You go to 9 different stations in 30 minutes. They say it kicks your butt. I really want to try it. I just feel like it will be a waste of money because I'm not sure I have time. I know during the fall I can't go on Mondays, Wednesdays, or Thursdays, so that only leaves Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday. And 3 days a week is ok with me. BUT......I am about to start the dreaded radiation and that will go for 5 weeks. I just don't know how I am going to feel, so maybe I should just wait until after that.

 I want to make a new goal but I feel like it is a little over ambitious. I would love to be down to 200lbs by the week after Thanksgiving. I go back to the doctor on November 28th, that is 11 weeks, 34lbs in 11weeks is just over 3lbs a week. I don't know if I can do it. One more reason I am interested in 9 Rounds.

 Last night B had a football game at 8pm, it started late and we didn't get home until almost 11pm. I had the Stealth MRI this morning and then came to work. I am dog tired! Tonight she has cheer practice so me and Husband will get some good walking in. We may also play around with some balls......get your minds out of the gutter......TENNIS BALLS. We really don't know how to play tennis, but we run ourselves to death chasing after the balls.

Ten Things Thursday

1. I HATE brain tumors. I thought that was a good one to start with!

2. B has her first football game tonight cheering for BR. She has always been a TR cheerleader but since she started BRMS she started BR cheer also.

3. I HATE BR cheerleading, they are so unorganized. As if I'm not busy enough already they decided that having some sort of cheer related activity every day next week is a good idea. Case and point: Cheer Schedule.....Sunday 9-9 practice 2-4pm, Monday 9-10 game at 6pm, Tuesday 9-11 practice 6-8pm, Thursday 9-13 game at 8pm, Friday 9-14 practice 6-8pm, Saturday 9-15 2 games, one at 10am, and the other at 1pm. What the freakin heck is all that about?????

4. Husband is being so sweet to me. I know he's concerned about this stupid radiation, but he's not letting me know he is. Today he told me it's ok to be scared. He normally would never say anything like that.

5. Fingers crossed, I will be getting a new job. Same company, just a new job!!!!

6. It is so humid here and I HATE it.

7. Maybe I should have did 10 things I HATE!!!!!!

8. Husband is working on the race car to get it ready for this weekend. Bless his little heart, he has only raced 3 times this season and it is tearing him up.

9. Middle School......enough said.

10. I am so beyond ready for the weekend. It has been a long stressful week and I'm ready for it to be over!!!!!

Radiation

 This is a downer post......

 So, last week I got the results of my MRI for the tumor. It has grown. Only 1mm in 8 months but still, it has grown. I am not happy about this. I am so sick of this dang tumor!!!! I had surgery for it in April of 2008, didn't get it all, it grew back with avengence. I had surgery again in July of 2011, still couldn't get it all, so now it is still growing. Neurosurgeon said it is an aggressive tumor, it is benign. The tumor is on my pituitary gland, and the part that is still in there is growing up into my brain so the neurosurgeon said more surgery won't help, RADIATION it is. This scares the crap out of me. He said if he tried surgery again (which I DO NOT WANT) he would have to be very aggressive and that would probably damage the pituitary stalk and in turn cause neurological damage. I go today to talk to the Radiation Dr. So, I guess we will have more information this afternoon. Still, I am not happy about it. The neurosurgeon said hopefully it will not grow anymore after this, I'm not convinced, this stupid tumor just won't quit. He also said I will have 2 weeks worth of treatments (Monday-Friday, everyday for 20 minutes), not so bad??? He said I should still be able to work but it will make me very tired.

 I will update this post later with what the radiation doc says.....

 Funny story, last night at cheerleading practice, after Husband and I finished playing tennis (if that's what you want to call it) and walking, we sat down to watch B for a few minutes. The team mom was walking around and I told Husband, "If she dressed for her size, she'd be a pretty nice one." (we always gauk at women and talk about what we like about them) He said, "what do you mean." I said, "she wears clothes that are 3 times too big and she is built pretty good from what I can tell, all I'm saying is if she wore clothes that were actually her size and not her husband's she would look pretty good. She is not a big woman." He then tells me, "Well, Mrs. Fashion Police, why don't you go over there and tell her you're the DOWNSIZED DIVA and you have some pointers for her!" He's so silly!



*****UPDATE*****

 Not good news from the radiation dr. First off I was told by my neurosurgeon that I would have 2 weeks of treatments....NOPE.....5 weeks, everyday Monday-Friday. Then, he said there is only an 80% chance that this will work, so after I go through 5 weeks of treatments there is still a 20% chance the tumor will continue to grow. If it keeps growing they can not radiate it again so the only other option would be surgery, which we already know he can't get all of it. Also, it can cause damage to the pituitary glad which can affect my hormones, and it can damage my vision because the pituitary is very close to the optic nerve. The only good news that came out of today is that the tumor is not cancer, not real sure that even counts because we already knew that.

 I know that I have to have faith. And I know that God already has this worked out, but I can't help but worry about it. It really makes me mad!!!!! I feel like I am in a lose lose situation.

56lbs GONE!

 As of my weigh in this morning I have lost 56lbs. Normally I weigh in on Mondays, but I got messed up because of the holiday weekend. I did pretty good eating this weekend too. I did eat half a hamburger yesterday but other than that I stayed on course. I am glad to be back at work though, I can keep more of a schedule. I haven't been getting enough water in since I've been off work for 3 days, so back at it today.

 On Friday I went to my surgeon, I got a LITTLE fill. I'm not sure how much because I didn't ask. I am right at the green zone. I have lost 45lbs since the visit before my surgery, that is also before the 2 week liquid diet. I don't go back for 3 months (the week after Thanksgiving). My goal is to be down 25 more pounds by then.

WATER, WATER, and more WATER

 Quick post here to let y'all know that I am kicking tail on some water intake. Using a small cup is working for me better than a large cup. I have been getting in at least 64oz while I'm at work! Yay me!!!!!!!!

  I have been thinking about doing the mud run that's coming up.......changed my mind. It is at the end of September and though I would love to do it, in no way am I physically ready. 5ks are fine but I just looked at the obstacles for it and I know I couldn't finish. But there is rumor of a color run coming up in November in my town.....I am totally in for that!!!!!!

238.4 BABY

 I have been slack on my blogging lately. Mostly because I have been rather disgusted with myself. I have felt like I can't do this, I will never lose this weight, I will never look the way I imagined in the beginning, and I will always be the fat, funny girl. I dont want to be the fat, funny girl anymore, I want to be the skinny, funny girl!!!! With all that being said, I have kicked butt this past week. I went back to a mostly liquid diet and I tried to get in more exercise. As of this morning's weigh in I am back down to 238.4!!!! WOO FREAKIN HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I go to my surgeon on Friday and I'm not sure if I will get more fluid, I highly doubt it because I have not been keeping much down. Mostly that is my own fault because I was eating too fast, or too big of bites and not chewing well enough. The last few days I have really made myself slow down and it is way better. Also, I go Thursday to the neurosurgeon to get the results of the MRI to see if the tumor has grown, so any prayers are greatly appreciated.

Ten Things Thursday....

1. I am disgusted with myself! I gained weight while on vacation, not sure how because it seems like everything I put in my mouth makes me vomit.

2. I decided Monday that I was going back on liquids. Well.....mostly liquids. I am doing protien shakes for breakfast, yogurt for snack around 10am, then another shake for lunch, and something reasonable for supper. Like last night I had less than half a can of 70 calorie Progresso Chicken Noodle Soup, I brought the other half for lunch today.

3. Husband is strugging. I feel terrible for him, he has a MAJOR decision that has to be made and it has been torture for him.

4. B started middle school yesterday. She LOVES it!!!!!

5. Is it too soon to be ready for vacation again? I would love to go to the mountains this fall or winter, just for a weekend!

6. This afternoon I go for a MRI to check the brain tumor. I will admit I am a nervous wreck. I'm not having any symptoms right now, but for some reason I feel as though it has grown.

7. After the said MRI, I am going to visit 9 Rounds. Just to check it out and see what it's all about. I have friends that are having great results with it and I have to do something.

8. One of my biggest motivators is this blog, I love reading what everyone else is doing. Keep it coming.

9. I am really missing my Best Friend of many years. We seem to be so busy these days and never have time to get together. So, this Saturday while Husband is at Bristol me and her are doing a 5k. Not an organized 5K, we're just doing it on our own.

10. I have a good friend, we'll call her Amy.....OK.... her name is really Amy, she also had lapband surgery, and is one of the reasons I decided to have it. She did AMAZING!!!! She is such an encouragement to me. So, I just want to tell her thank you, and I couldn't do this without her!!!!!

YIKES!!!!

 I am far behind on my blogs. I was on vacation last week. I am trying to catch up, but my job is demanding my attention.

 I am back up to 243lbs on the scale this morning. I am so unhappy about that. I have decided to go back to a mostly liquid diet. Also I am going to look into 9 Rounds. Have any of you heard of this???? Is it good????

 B starts middle school tomorrow. I believe I am more nervous than she is.

 Short post.....my job doesn't understand that I have tons of personal stuff they could be paying me for!

Nails

 A few of you have asked for a picture of my nails.....so here you go.

 4 days until I m beach bound with my love, my daughter, and some really good friends. I do not love the beach, but I am so ready for a break!!!!!

 Hopefully I will be able to eat decently while on vacation. I would love to lose 3 more pounds before I go back to the doctor on August 31st.

One more week....

 I have one more week before I am on vacation. I hope I can push through! I really am not a beach person, but Husband and B love it and we are going with some friends from church so I'm sure we'll have a blast.

 I was still at 238lbs this morning. I am pleased with that. I haven't lost any but I also haven't gained any. I have had a hard time eating lately. I have gotten stuck a lot. I think I threw up almost everything that went in my mouth this weekend. So today I am taking it really slow and easy. I had yogurt for breakfast and it went well. I'll try peanut butter and banana for lunch.....we'll see.

 I have done something to my neck. I can't turn my head to the right. I have had an issue with this for a while now. Periodically it will bother me. Doctor said it is stress induced, and this past week at work I was stressed to the max, so I don't know if it is that or all the throwing up and maybe I pulled it. Hopefully it will work itself out by the weekend.

 B starts middle school the week after we come back from the beach. I am excited and nervous for her. We went shopping this weekend and got all sorts of "cool" middle school clothes. When we get back from the beach she is getting hilites. Yeah, she's all grown up. *tear*

Chic Fil A and Donuts

 Since yesterday was Chic Fil A appreciation day Husband texted me on my way to work and asked me to get him and some guys he works with Chic Fil A biscuits. While I was there I also got myself some chicken minis (bad I know). Today my boss texted me and asked if I wanted Chic Fil A, I said "sure, chicken minis would be awesome." 2 days in a row, what the heck is wrong with me???? So I ate the chicken minis. About 10:30am one of the guys that works for our mechanic shows up, like he does every Friday with 2 dozen Krispy Kreme donuts. I knew he was coming because they send them every week, 2 dozen every single Friday. We have 7 people that work in this building but they still send 2 whole freakin dozen. I have fought it for the past 3 Fridays and not eaten a single donut, but today after 2 days of chicken minis, I ate a freakin donut. AGAIN, WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME??? Has all of my willpower gone out the window. I am so mad at myself. I don't know what to do.....I have done so well this week. I brought tuna and crackers for lunch, but now I don't want to eat anything for the rest of the day!

 Ok, moving on from my pity party........

 Husband's cousin is in the hospital with kidney failure because of heat exhaustion and dehydration. He went to the ER last evening at 6pm, and nobody called to tell us. You see, he is really like a brother or a son to Husband and I. He is not very close with the rest of the family (and I completely understand why), we are the closest ones with him from that family. We are his daughter's God Parents. Why in the world would his wife not have called us???? It really makes me angry. Anyway, I talked to him this morning, when I found out he was in the hospital, and he said they are keeping him 24-48 hours to pump fluid through him and get his kidneys back operating like they're supposed to.

 It's FRIDAY!!!!!! Thank goodness! I don't think I can take one more day of work this week.

Ten Things Thursday 8-2-12

1. I have GAINED 2 pounds this week. Yep, you read that right, I gained 2 FREAKIN pounds. I am so not happy about that. I have eaten way better and exercised way more, what gives?

2. It is so hot in my office. It is really ridiculoous. The rich as heck boss man can't spare a few bucks to turn the air down a few degrees.

3. I have a very good friend at work that is going through a tough break up and my heart is breaking for her. She loved this man and his children and I can tell it is ripping her heart out. Bless her.

4. B takes piano lessons and I am convinced that her piano teacher is a drunk. And she's all kinds of crazy. B really likes her so I haven't tried to find a new teacher, but man she's crazy!!!! Like a goofy crazy.

5. My entire office is taking the rich as heck boss man out to City Range for his birthday tonight. I am not looking forward to it. We all went $50 in and got him some gift cards to places he likes to eat and a couples massage for him and his girlfriend. I made him a mini bottle bouquet and we put it all together. Somehow my $50 turned into $85.

6. This week has been an awful week for me. I have been so ill, I'm sure I have gotten on Husband's nerves.

7. Husband bought me an elliptical. I hate that thing, I can't go for more thatn 3-4 minutes at a time on it. So Husband got tired of it just sitting in the living room and moved it to the laundry room. I decided today that I want it back in the living room. You see, when I was going 3-4 minutes on it was before I was really exercising and hadn't lost that much weight. I am going to give it another go.

8. We have 2 broke down race cars. Husband is so aggravated about them. It is very expensive to race one car, much less two. He has worked so dilegently and still isn't racing. Bless him.

9. I am struggling to get 10 things.

10. I am ready for the weekend!!!!! We have a birthday party on Saturday and at some point this weekend I will take B shopping for back to school stuff.

54 Pounds

I have lost 54 pounds so far!!!!!!


Sorry, for the short post, super busy!!

Slow Relaxing Weekend

 We have had a great weekend. It's nice to not rush and have every single minute of the weekend filled up!  B came home from camp Friday, Saturday we went tubing at Green River, then to dinner at Husband's cousin's house while B spent the night with her cousin. Today we went to church then to lunch with another one of Husband's cousin. We went to a steak house in Hendersonville (Binions) I had BBQ Chicken and a baked potato, it went pretty well, I only ate half of it and had the other half for supper. Tonight after church we walked 2.5 miles and then got in the pool for a little bit.

  I have lost 8lbs since last Friday (July20th). I am super happy about that. I got several compliments at church today, which made me feel fabulous. It feels good that people can tell a difference in me, because sometimes I still can't. Sometimes I look in the mirror and think, when am I ever not going to be fat? I know I didn't gain all this weight overnight and I won't lose it overnight.

 I am so beyond ready for the beach in 2 weeks. The week after we get back I go get the brain tumor checked again. I am praying for good news but I have a feeling it won't be. Prayers are appreciated.

Ten Things Thursday

1. This is my first time doing Ten Thing Thursday. So, I thought that would be #1.

2. B comes home from camp tomorrow. I know this doesn't make me mother of the year, but I have enjoyed her being gone this week. I am ready for her to be home tomorrow, but it was a nice break.

3. This week me and Husband have lived like love sick teenagers with no kid at home. He has been so sweet and romantic. I could get used to that.

4. I have an ant infestation in my car. Don't ask me how that happened. Ants are terrible in our yard and I have noticed a few in my car but didn't really think too much about it until tonight.....Husband and I went to dinner and to a cheerleading meeting and they were everywhere. When we got to the restaurant Husband looked in the back and they were all in the seat with some type of powdery substance.....looks like fundip to me, so no more eating for B in my car!!!!

5. I had to start training a new guy at work today. I know I am an awesome employee and everybody wishes they could be me, but dang almighty, why do I always have to do the training.

6. I am doing a Thirty-One catalog party. Why aren't people coming out of the wood works to order???? Come on folks, mama needs some new bags.

7. B starts middle school next month. I have decided to let her start shaving. This weekend as a matter of fact, I will let her shave her legs. I am excited for her, Husband not so much.

8. I HATE CALL OF DUTY!!!!!

9. I do believe I am going to get little bows painted on my nails.

10. I want an anklet. I don't really know where to find one. I just want something plain and cute but wihout hearts, I hate hearts, hearts are for 12 year olds.

Fifty, Fifty, Fifty

 No, this blog is not about Christian Grey.....it's about me finally hitting the 50 pound mark!!!!!


 I am so excited......I am down 50 pounds!!!!!!!


 Now about 80 more to go!!!!!!


 I can and WILL do this!!!!!

1 pound away from 50!!!!

 FINALLY!!!!!! After not loosing any weight last week, I got a fill on Friday, I have barely been able to eat anything, I finally lost a few. FOUR to be exact, I am down to 243.2 as of this mornings weigh in. I am so glad. I have really pushed it with my fill, I have not eaten all that great, didn't stay on liquids and mushies like I was supposed to, and boy did I pay for it. Almost everything that I ate got stuck. I didn't eat tons but I didn't take small bites and chew really good, so it all got stuck. Today I am doing much better, I brought yogurt, sugar free pudding, a banana, and a fiber bar to work.

So discouraged.....

 I refrained from weighing myself all week, mostly because my scale was hidden. But last night I couldn't take it anymore.....I made B get the scale out. On Monday morning I weighed 247.0, all week I have eaten better, drank more water, and danced for 3 straight hours every single night, and today when I went in for my fill I weighed 247.6......WTH!!!!!! Needless to say I am VERY DISCOURAGED!!!! My surgeon is wonderful and told me how well I have done and that a 1lb per week loss is good. (I have lost 6.4lbs since my last fill 6 weeks ago) I now have 6.5cc in my band (I got 1.5cc today). I don't know if that's good or not. He said I should feel a good bit more restriction this time. I sure hope so. Maybe I have just had unrealistic expectations.

Day Two of No Weighing....

 Today is day # two of me not weighing myself. I'm not gonna lie, this morning I was about to start searching for the scale but I refrained from it. I am dying to see if I am losing any weight, I have been eating way better this week and exercising ALOT!!!!

 Today I am wearing a shirt that I love and I just wore it about a week ago but today it is droopy on me, although I am super happy to be seeing results, I don't like it that one of my favorite shirts looks so bad now. Oh well, that just means I can buy a new favorite in a smaller size!!!!!!

 I am signing up for the GHS MUTT STRUT. It is a 5k run/walk with your dog, the only thing is one of my dogs is too old to do it and the other one is too goofy! My best friend is probably going to do it with me so I will just borrow a dog from her. Hopefully Husband will do it too.

 I have been doing better with my water intake. This week I have been getting more than I normally do. It is tough for me to drink. Not drink water. Just to drink in general, I have never drank alot. I got a new CAROLINA GIRL Tervis for my birthday and I love it so maybe that's why I am drinking more, or maybe it's because of VBS, or maybe just because I have set my mind to do it.

 The girls at work ordered pizza for lunch today. I was very strong and ate my tuna and crackers and water. No, I have not mastered the not drinking anf eating at the same time thing. Tonight at VBS we are having tacos for supper and tomorrow pizza, Friday hamburgers and hot dogs, but Friday I will be on liquids because I get my fill!!!! YAY!!!!!!

Before & So Far

This is me and Husband in August of 2010...... 

This is me today July 17, 2012......

I have lost 45lbs so far since my journey started in January 2012. I am very proud of that, but will be so glad when I am under 200lbs.


Last night was night 2 of VBS, it has really kicked my tail. Dancing for 3 straight hours is tough, but I know it's helping me reach my goal of 242lbs by Friday. I was 247 on Monday morning. Today is the first day I haven't weighed myself in a few months. I got to where I was obsessing with it and it was driving me crazy, so Husband and B hid the scale from me. The next time I weigh will be at the doctor on Friday when I go for my fill.

Everybody say YES YES YES to VBS S S S

 VBS started last night. I am in charge of teaching the music class and the worship rallies. I sweated buckets last night. I weighed in this morning and weighed 247.0......THANK GOODNESS I finally lost a pound. I didn't stick to not weighing last week, I weighed every single day, just like I said I wasn't going to do. So, the plan for this week is.....I weighed this morning and Husband is hiding the scale from me. I go Friday for a fill, and I am so ready for that. I hope to be down to 242, that will be a 50lb total loss. Not looking forward to the liquids, but oh well.

 I had a great birthday. Me and B went and had our nails and toes done, then got her hair cut, then to the tanning bed. She stayed with her Nana Friday night so me and Husband went to Hendersonville and saw Ted (stupidest movie ever) and went to Binions to eat.....YUMMO!!!! I had steak and it went pretty good. Saturday was VBS kickoff fun day and we had to finish up decorating, so we are already exhausted and have the whole week to go!

Why must I keep doing this to myself???

 I know I said I wouldn't do it but I did it anyway. I said I wouldn't weigh again until Monday morning but I have weighed 3 times since this past Monday. It's torture I tell ya, torture....but I continue to do it. For the love of God, why do I do it to myself???? I was down a few ounces this morning though.....I was 247.8 this morning!!!! I know what you're all thinking, "big freakin deal" well....it is a big freakin deal to me because the scale hasn't moved in about 3 weeks. I guess I am at least happy it hasn't moved up!!!! I have also told myself I was going to eat better and I have, but I did eat a chocolate dipped ice cream cone yesterday, that too was torture!!!! I hate myself for doing it but it is what it is. Oh, and how could I forget, my boss ordered PINK LEMONADE CUPCAKES for my birthday!!!! More torture!!!!!!

 Starting tonight I am SUPER busy. We start decorating for VBS tonight, so I will be at the church tonight, tomorrow night, hopefully not Friday because it's my birthday, then Saturday I'll be there for Fun Day, then VBS starts Sunday and goes through Thursday with commencement being on Friday. You know what that means???? Well, I'm gonna tell ya! Since I teach music it means hella exercise for me!!! And I'll need all that exercise to work off the above mentioned PINK LEMONADE CUPCAKES!

Not a HIKER

 I am NOT A HIKER!!! Husband thought it would be a good idea to go on a family outing on Saturday. We went to Keowee Toxaway and hike 4 miles. It is not for me!!!! I'm not real sure what made him think it was a good idea in the first place. I almost passed out with it being 197 degrees, I had a massive nose bleed, and I got stung by a bee. I don't think I have ever complained so much in my life. I made it through but just barely. I am still so sore from it, my legs, my back, hips, sides.....really my entire body!!! I don't think we will be doing that again very soon.

 The scale still says 248. I am so aggravated about it. I get another fill on July 20th, hopefully it will give me some restriction. The last few weeks I feel like I have no restriction at all. It is very frustrating!!!!! I am starting all over this week though.....eating better and getting back on my exercising horse. I really want to be 242lbs on July 20th when I go back. I am also going to try not to weigh myself except for on Monday mornings for a while. I am driving myself crazy with that dang scale.

Forth of July Weight Gain

 We had a wonderful 4th of July. We hung out with some great friends from church, cooked out, swam, and shot fireworks. This morning the scale told me I had too much fun. Yep.....you guessed it....I gained a pound. I have been complaining because I had not lost a pound in 2 weeks, well, now I'm complaining because I managed to gain one. I am so pissed at myself. Also, my exercise is very sporatic. I will do so well for a few days, then I fall right off the wagon. What's up with that? I have to bathing suit shop in the next couple of weeks so maybe that will motivate me!

Bathing Suit Shopping......BLAH

Ok, so here is a full body shot. I am still at 248lbs. Don't get me wrong I am super proud of that, BUT I am discouraged that the scale hasn't moved in 2 weeks. Saturday morning I was up at 6:45am, so I cranked up the tunes, had a sweet sweet talk with Jesus and walked/jogged 2.6miles!!!!! I FREAKIN loved it!!!! I would love to be able to do that every morning but I don't have time between daylight and the time I have to leave for work. Yes, I am too scared of getting hit by a car to do it in the dark.

We have decided to go to the beach in August, so I have to find me at least one new bathing suit as mine from last year are too big.....yep.....I said it....TOO BIG. I don't think I've ever had anything that was too big for me before. I HATE bathing suit shopping!!!!!

I am ready to be off tomorrow for the 4th. We don't have any spectacular plans, as we both have to go back to work on Thursday, but just being off in the middle of the week will be nice.

Holding it steady at 248

 I am again at a stand still in my weight loss. I am still at 248lbs (which I am excited about), but I am ready to get on with it. I had a "fill" on June 6th, I go back for another on July 18, but I don't fell restriction again. Right after my fill I did, but now......NOTHING!!!! Is it like this for everybody????

 B has been gone from home for 2 nights and she is going again Friday. Husband and I are planning a date night (dinner and a movie), that is if his car is finished and ready for the track Saturday. In a way I hope it is and in a way I hope it isn't. It is going to be hot as blazes here in SC this weekend, I am not looking forward to it. I don't do well in the heat.

 So, I am now reading.....wait for it......yep......you guessed it......Fifty Shades of Grey! I wanted to see what all the excitment was about and now I can't put it down!!!! I am on the 2nd book. It is delicious!!! Even Husband reads it over my shoulder!!! He said he could probably write an erotic novel, or maybe a short story!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! He is HILARIOUS!!!!

CWS, VBS, and Exercise

 Well, the Gamecocks didn't make it 3 in row. I am still very proud to be a Gamecock. Getting as far as they did is a huge accomplishment. I realize there are alot of people who don't like them and like nothing more than seeing them lose, but it would be nice if they kept their unwanted negative opinions to themselves, especially since their team didn't make it near as far.

 Last night I got in a 2 mile walk in the blazing heat. It was nice, B rode her new bike, I walked, and Husband ran alot of it. He is so athletic and in such good shape. I get excited to get to go exercise. Tonight I won't get to walk, I have a VBS meeting at church and won't be home until late. Hopefully I will be able to do Sweatin to the Oldies when I get home. Speaking of VBS, I have to get on the ball and learn all the dances. Our VBS is 3 weeks away and I am in charge of music! That will be good exercise for me!!!!!! It is so fun to dance around and act a fool with all of the little ones.

 Monday again...... I did not do well this weekend. As always we had a super busy one. On Saturday we had 2 Birthday parties. At the first one I didn't eat anything (yay). But, at the second one I did have a small piece of cake and a cupcake(that I made and they were yummy delicious). I got in the batting cage and tooke 60 pitches and rode go carts. Sunday we went to church, then lunch at Subway and grocery shopping. After grocery shoppping we went all over Greenville in search of a bicycle for B. Of course we ended up at Academy and bought the first one she liked from Saturday when we went there to look but were in my car so it wouldn't fit. We should have just went straight there Sunday and saved us the hassle.

 This morning I weighed 248.6lbs. I decided to change my official weigh in day to Monday instead of Friday, I don't know why, it just seems better for me. So, I am holding steady at 248, that is a 44lb total loss and a 23lb loss since my surgery. I am happy with that, but I still kill myself by weighing constantly. I flucuate about 3-4lbs during the day. A friend of mine suggested letting someone hold onto my scale until I am responsible enough to use it and not torture myself.

 Oh, my laptop crashed. It is at the shop as we speak. Hopefully it will be fixed SOON!!!! It drives us crazy not having it at home.

Body Wrap Anyone?????

 I am thinking of doing a body wrap. The place I go to the tanning bed is having a special this week so I thought I would try it out. I have been thinking about it for a few weeks. If it works out good and I like it I may sign up for a series of wraps as I'm getting rid of this weight.

 Also, I am thinking of going ALL BLONDE!!!!! Any comments on that? I am a bit nervous about that but, what the heck! I am never afraid of fire engine red so why should I be scared of a little bleach? I have an awesome girl that does a great job on my hair and I trust her completely so maybe by next week I may be BLONDE. We'll see.......

Kicking ass and taking names.....

 WOW!!!! I did 5 miles last night! Yep, you read that right, Fatty McButter Pants walked 5 whole miles last night. And I kicked it's ass! (sorry for the language) I cranked up the ipod with husband and B with her bike in tow and we rocked it. I am so super duper proud of myself. Of course today I am feeling it, but it's a good feeling. I really think I could have gone longer, but B wasn't feeling it. I ran a little too, not as much as Skinny Mini Husband but I ran more than I normally do and  I am freakin' stoked about it!!!!! I can't wait to do it again.

 We have a busy weekend coming up. 2 birthday parties on Saturday, one from 4-6 and the other @ 5pm. Yeah, that's gonna be tough. So you know what that means......junk food and cake. I will just have to be strong and fight it. I am looking forward to getting in the batting cage at one of the parties though! Speaking of cake, at work each month that there's a birthday we have a lunch and a birthday cake for the birthdays that month. In July is mine and another lady's birthdays. She is doing Weight Watchers so we decided instead of a birthday cake that we will have a birthday fruit tray. Yeah, I know, it sucks, but I like fruit.

 I weighed 248.6lbs this morning!!!!

Walking

 Last night me, Husband, and B walked a 5k. It's the same 5k I did back in May. I thoroughly enjoy it. I pushed hard yesterday, though I didn't beat my last time it was a good walk for me. I have tried to do that 5k a couple times a week lately. I LOVE IT!!!! I just read a blog about RUNNERS HIGH. I am so jealous of runners. I want to run so badly. I do good to get a good walk in, but I am pushing and keep telling myself 'one of these days I'll run this 5k.' I hope I am right, I would love nothing more than to be able to run it. I can jog a little of it (key word little), not much though. Last night I jogged the very end. I am excited that I can even do that. I have invited a few girldfriends to walk with me tonight since Husband is going to be working on his race car. I figured it would be some good girl time, and one of them I rarely see anymore and I miss her dearly. I am not planning on doing the 5k route, just walking on the swamp rabbit trail, but I do plan to go at least 3 miles. I hope they will respond and join me. If not, I may just go alone. Crank up the ipod and see how far I can make it. 5 miles? Maybe!

I knew this would happen

 I knew it, I knew it, I freakin knew it! Everyone told me not to weigh everyday, and I do it anyway. I flucuate about 3lbs. It so happened that Saturday morning I weighed 248.8lbs and I was so excited, well as of this morning I'm back to 251lbs.....WHAT!!!!! I know I am going to have to stop torturing myself and only weigh once a week.

 After my fill almost 2 weeks ago, I feel like I have NO restriction again. I know it is a process and I have to be patient but, dang it, this is hard. I am ready to be able to know when I'm full, and when I've had enough. There have been two times when I have gotten stuck, it passed very quickly though.

 After 5 days off work I am back today. Let me tell you, I came back to a mess!!!! But after 3 hours I am finally slowing down.

Exercise

 I have been so slack in the exercise department. Some days I do good and other days I suck!!!! Take yesterday for instance, I didn't get home until 9pm so I ate supper (frozen pizza, I know, I know) and went to bed. Tonight I plan to walk the 5K route again. Then on Thursdays and Fridays Husband plays ball so we're at the ball field late and I never exercise on those days. The weekends we're usually busy so that's my excuse not to exercise. I need some pointers. How do I get excited about it again? I am so ready for this weight to be gone, and I know in order for that to happen I've got to get moving. I also know that a quick frozen pizza is not the answer.

 Now that that's off my chest.....

 Our pool is still not open. Husband has got to get a move on it. The race cars are not fixed either, it is killing him not to race, so hopefully by next weekend he will have one of them together and we'll be back beating and banging with them. WooHoo!!!!!

 B started summer camp yesterday, she had a good time but she gets bored. She will got to Baptist Camp the last full week of July and she is super excited about that.

Weighing Everyday

 I know I'm not supposed to, but I do it. I weigh myself everyday, sometimes more than once.......ok......everyday more than once. I get frustrated because of it, but on the other hand it also keeps me motivated. I normally use Friday morning's weight as my official weight for the week, but today when I got up I weighed 249.8!!!! WHAT!!!!!! I am out of the 250's. I know by this afternoon I will probably be back to 251 or so, but I was exstatic to see 249!!!

 I still don't have much restriction, but I can tell a little. I feel like I can still eat most anything, ie: bread. I am going to try a body wrap and if I like it I may do a series of them throughout my weight loss and hopefully it will help with the hangy skin.

 So, I have 99lbs to go!!!!!

Friday is weigh in day.....

  I weighed in at 251lbs this morning. YES! You read that right, 251lbs!!!! That means I am down 41lbs total. I realize that I may flucuate back up a few pounds, but for now I am celebrating 251lbs!!!!!!! On Wednesday at my "fill" I weighed 254lbs with a total weight loss of 27lbs since I started with RWLS.

 I am starting to be able to tell I had a "fill". I haven't eaten very much at a time but I can tell, THANK GOODNESS! I was worried that I wouldn't be able to. I am so motivated and excited right now. I am ready to drop some pounds! I really hope to be under 200 by Christmas. 51 pounds, I can do that, right??? I have also committed to playing softball next Thursday(stay tuned for that), I played a few years ago and enjoyed it, but it is hard for a fat girl that sits on the couch eating cake to run bases. I have said once I lose this weight I am going to play again. This is sooner than I had planned, but it's just filling in for one game. I told the coach that I have to play beside Husband because I'm really not that good and that way he can do all the work! Hmmmm....maybe I can just DH, now that would be right up my alley.

 B is in Georgia with her aunt. She will be home Saturday sometime. She has been at her Nana's this whole week, so the only time I have seen her since dropping her off on Sunday was Wednesday night for a little while when we took her some clothes and money. I do miss her, but it has been so peaceful getting up and getting ready in the mornings without fighting with her!

 Husband and I walked a 5k on Tuesday, it was nice but it was tough. I have been a little slack on walking. We have played tennis and hit softball, but haven't been as dedicated to our walking. The weekends are rough for me because we are so busy. We have ball Thursday and Friday nights, then our Saturdays are usually consumed with racing, so it is hard to get exercise in. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

 Well, signing off, hope all y'all blog landers have a FABULOUS weekend!!!!

The Day After My First Fill

 Yesterday I only had liquids (mostly), today I am on soft foods. For breakfast I had some yummy delicious blueberry banana oatmeal, and for lunch I had tuna. That's it, that's all I've had today. I can't tell if I have restriction or not. I have only ate a very small amount, not that I have gotten super full, but that I am scared of getting sick.

 So there you have it, I still don't know!

Today is the BIG Day......

 So, the day has finally arrived. My very first "fill". I am nervously excited about the whole situation. As y'all know I haven't been eating the best and I have NO restriction. Hopefully after today that will change. I really don't know what to expect. 

 Last night Husband wanted to go eat something good since I expect after today I won't be able to go out to eat much. He chose Kanpai!!!!! What?!?!?!?! Why does he do this to me? I ate way too much, and paid for it dearly for the rest of the evening.

.....TO BE CONTINUED.....



 OK, I'm back from the doctor. It wasn't that bad. The pressing and the stick I could have done without, but other than that it was fine. Now for one day of liquids and one day of soft foods.....I can do it! I go back in 6 weeks for my next adjustment.

Blah....

 After a week of drama at work last week, and some still hard feelings (on my part) this week, I am exhausted!!!! I did not exercise last night. I have floated back up to 254lbs, so it doesn't look like I will be at 252lbs tomorrow for my fill. I am trying to eat way better though and I am still excited to get my fill.

 B is out of school for the summer. She is having to stay with her nana this week because her summer camp doesn't start until next week. We were hoping to take a weekend trip Father's Day weekend, but I'm not sure that is going to happen now. Husband has softball games on Thursday and Friday and a few players won't be there that week, so I'm not sure he will miss those games. Sad for me because I really need to get away!!!!

253 Baby!!!!

Me @ 253 lbs.

Friday is my official weigh in day. And this morning I hit 253lbs!!!! I am so excited. Husband has been riding me because I haven't been eating like I should so that makes me even more proud to be 253lbs. I cannot wait to get to 249, I haven't been less than 250lbs in I don't know when!!!!!

Yay me!!!!

One more day.....

 Ok, so I had a 3 day weekend last week and a 3 day weekend coming up, so that means I am only working 3 days this week. AMEN!!!! I have had a rough day and a half at work this week. DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA, it is hard working with backstabbing women! I am so ready for a vacation. We are headed to Gatlinburg for Father's Day and I cannot wait!!!

 I broke down and had a bacon sandwich and a milkshake for lunch. I know, I know, it's terrible. I am so frustrated with myself and with my job I just freaked out and did it. Shame on me! I will have to hit the Sweatin to the Oldies extra hard tonight. I need to lose 3 more pounds by next Wednesday to meet my goal. I know I can do it if I can stay away from the bacon sandwiches and milkshakes.

 We have 2 birthday parties this weekend, along with 2 softball games. Our weekends are always FULL. The husband got off work at lunch time today and is having a 3 day weekend again also. So, hopefully we can find some time to get some stuff done around the house.....like opening our pool!!!!

Memorial Day Weekend

 Back at work today after 3 days off. I had a wonderful relaxing weekend with my family. We did nothing and it was GREAT!!!! And what's even better is I only have to work 3 days this week. B is graduating 5th grade on Friday. It is so bittersweet for me. I am so proud of her but on the other hand I am so sad that she is growing up and will be in Middle school next year :(

 I am now holding steady at 255lbs. Thats a total of 37lbs lost since January. I have been exercising alot more. I am determined to be at least 252lbs by June 6th! We have been playing tennis, well, I guess you can call it that. We do not know the rules or how to keep score or any of that but we have fun playing around and it gets us off the couch and moving.

 I have been going to the tanning bed (I know, I know....it's bad for me) and I enjoy it. I now have some color to me and don't look so much like Casper the friendly ghost. It helps me feel better about myself. I still can't look at myself and tell that I've lost weight (well, a little in my face), but this morning we had a corporate meeting at work and a lady from one of our lots complimented me and told me I look AMAZING. What? Can you repeat that? Amazing you say??? Wow, that felt good! And this morning B told me that I look beautiful today. Tear*

 Well, I hope all you blog landers have a great week!!!!

Memorial Day Weekend....

 Let me start by saying 5 o'clock cannot get here fast enough today. I am beyond ready for a long weekend with Husband. Tonight he has a softball game and Sunday we have Homecoming at church. We are eating dinner at church, a bunch of southern Baptist women cooking, you know what that means.....It is going to be so hard to resist stuffing myself to the gills.

 I weighed in at 256lbs last night. I hate the fluctuating!!!!! I am still counting down the days to my "fill". I hope I'm not having unrealistic expectations about it. I am ready to only be able to eat small amounts. Right now I can eat anything and just about however much I want of it. I have been doing better about getting my 64oz of water in a day. Well, water is all that I drink. I haven't had sweet teat or soda since January. I don't know how I do it! I brought a 16oz cup to work and I keep a gallon of Crystal Light Lemonade in the fridge and I make myself drink at least 3 of my cups of it during the day. It makes me pee like CRAZY, but I guess that's good for me.

 B is spending the night with her Nana tonight. Maybe that means a date for me & Husband after the game!!!!

 Hope everyone has a safe and Happy long weekend!!!

Motivation .....

 I woke up today with most of the back pain gone! Woohoo!!! I also woke up today with motivation out the wazoo. I am determined to lose at least 5 more pounds by my "fill" which is June 6th. That is 13 days away. I can do it, right? My original goal was to be 242lbs by then, but I don't see that happening, so my new goal is to be 252lbs. Hmmmm, yes I have gained a pound or two back, I weighed in at 257 last night. If I can get to 252 by June 6th that will be a total of 40lbs since I started this journey in January and 15lbs since my surgery. May not be a big deal to most but it is huge for me, mostly because I'm sick of being huge! I haven't weighed 250 ish pounds in over 11 years.

 I have been slack in what I'm eating and super slack in the exercise department, especially this week with all the back pain and what not. I am determined starting today (right after the chicken minis my boss brought me for breakfast) that I am going to eat better and exercise daily. So Richard Simmons better bring it on!!!!!!! Hopefully we will get our pool opened soon too, so I can get some exercise in it too.

 On a different note, the finale of AI was the worst finale I have seen. But I am glad Phillip Phillips won. He is HOT!!!! I cannot wait to buy his CD.

Same Ol' Same Ol'

  Today is Wednesday, and my back is no better :( I am weighing in at 257lbs. WHAT THE HECK!!!!!! I went down to 255 now I'm back up. I cannot wait to get a "fill". I am concerned that I won't be able to do this. What if I did this surgery and I don't lose any weight? I realize that it is still super early in the game, but it scares me. I have not been able to exercise since Sunday because of this back pain, so hopefully in the next day or two this pain will leave me and I can get back to the grind stone.

 Next Friday is B's last day of elementary school. I can't believe my only baby is going to middle school. We went to Academic night on Monday. That is for the students who have kept all A's for the first 3 9 weeks. There were only 30 kids in the entire school with that accomplishment. I was teary the whole time we were there, I can only imagine how emotional I'll be at awards day and 5th grade graduation.

 I am so ready for a vacation. I want to just go away for a few days and do NOTHING! maybe just sit on the porch of a cabin in the mountains and read a book. Aaahhhhh, that would be nice, just don't know if it will happen.

Softball.....Back Injury

 Oh my back! Sunday afternnon Husband, B, and I went to the ball field to hit some softballs (exercise you know). Well, apparently I pulled my back. It was hurting a little yesterday but today I can barely move!!!! It is HORRIBLE!!!! I can't even stand up straight and I look like I'm 150 years old when I try to walk. But none the less I came to work, unlike some people. Some people that I work with lay out at least once a week. It is rather ridiculous! Hopefully I will get some relief soon.

Monday Again

 Hello, blogland! Well, it's Monday again, uuggghhhh! I had a wonderful weekend. On Saturday we went to Charlotte for the All Start Race. We had a great time but hated seeing Jimmy Johnson win.

 Again I feel like I am stuck at the same weight. I haven't been eating the best, but I have been eating way better than before. I have been exercising more. It is not looking too good for my goal of 242lbs by June 6th :( I am glad that I'm down a total of 36lbs. I got down to 255 but I am back up to 256lbs, but it is frustrating because I am just so ready to have this weight GONE!!!!! My first fill is scheduled for Wednesday June 6, 2012, so hopefully that will help me out. I really don't know what to expect from the fill, but I am excited to find out! Right now I have NO restriction, so it is very hard for me.

 I am having to go bathing suit shopping this week and am not looking forward to it. I said I wasn't buying one this year but mine from last year is too big (which is a good thing). Hopefully I can find one.

Kids.....

 Ok, so I have been a little more than stressed lately. I don't know if it's the weight loss, or lack there of, or if it's the pre-teen I live with! I am finally at the weight I was the day I had said pre-teen, so I am happy with that. I have the hardest time with that child getting up and ready for school. On Tuesday I left her at home because she won't get up and get ready. See, I have a 45 minute drive to work so I have to leave my house no later than 7:05am to get her to school and me to work on time. That particular day she didn't get up until 6:54am, so I left her at home.....I caved and turned around and took her to school but warned her the next time I would not be so nice. On Wednesday she got right up and ready to go, so I thought the lesson had been learned. NOT! Today I get her up 1 hour and 20 minutes before we have to leave, she took 30 minutes to get out of the bed and use the bathroom, so I got in the shower ahead of her (we are a one bathroom household). She went back to bed!!!!! So I finished getting ready and she got back up 10 minutes before time to leave, I reminded her of Tuesday and told her I was not waiting on her. So today she was left at home with a very long list of chores.

 AM I A HORRIBLE PARENT FOR THIS?????

Emotions

 Mother's Day is a very emotional day for me. You see, I am the mother of an 11 year old daughter which I love dearly, but I do not have a relationship with my own mother. I have never felt that my own mother ever really cared for me or about me like she does her other 3 children. We have had an up and down relationship most of my life. As a small child my dad got full custody of me, but I still moved back and forth between them (whenever one of them got tired of "raising" me then I would would go to the other one). I have an older sister, a younger sister and brother by her and they all have chosen a very different lifestyle than me. They all chose a life of drugs and drinking and not working or taking care of their children, and I am the one made to feel like an outcast, like I am a bad person. I had finally had enough and just couldn't take it anymore. So about 7 years ago I walked away. Then maybe 2 years ago I decided to give it ne more try, same ol' same ol'. I can't be a part of that lifestyle and I most certainly don't want to have my daughter around it. So, why do I feel so bad? I am doing what's right for my daughter and my family, but for some reason I still feel like a horrible person.

 We have a Mother's Day March at church every mother's day and I dread it, starting about a week before Mother's Day. We all give an offering and say "in honor of" or "in memory of" and our mother's name. I never have a name to say and it makes me feel terrible, like everyone is looking at me saying, "wow, she doesn't love her mother." I have also been very frustrated with my weight loss lately, causing me to be extra stressed, so I flipped out on my own daughter one morning this week over fixing her hair, and then this morning the same thing happened, causing an arguement with her and Husband. I really hate that I have been this way and that I have taken it out on them. They have done nothing wrong. They are both super supportive of my decision to have this surgery and they both motivate and encourage me everyday. I would not be able to do this without them.

 NICE TO GET THAT OUT!

 On a happier note, I have finally lost a few pounds. As of this morning I am 255lbs. That is the same weight I was the day B (my daughter) was born 11 years ago. I haven't seen that # on the scale in a long long time. Needless to say I was very excited!

T.G.I.F.

 Man, am I glad it's Friday! This has been a very long, very stressful work week. I am ready for the weekend! We have a busy weekend ahead (as always). Softball and dinner with some awesome people tonight, funeral and family (husband's) cookout tomorrow & The Southern 500 @ Darlington (one of my favorite tracks) is tomorrow night, and Sunday is Mother's day, so that will be a day filled with visiting. Then to start all over again on Monday. Next week I'll be counting down the days til the Allstar Race in Charlotte! This will be the first NASCAR race we've been to and I can't wait!

 I am still holding steady at 258lbs. I am sooooo frustrated about it too. I do realize it's not going to happen overnight, but I fell as though I should be further along than I am. Uuugggghhhhhhh........Anyway, I'm going to keep on keeping on. I WILL lose this weight!


 Hope y'all all have a FABULOUS weekend!!!!

Ready for a "fill"

 So, yesterday was a good day. We went to a friend's college graduation and out to supper to celebrate him. My family is very blessed to have such great friends.

 By the time we got out of the graduation and to Outback I was STARVING! I ordered what I thought was a good healthy meal. (grilled salmon & steamed broccoli) The broccoli was full of butter. I guess that's why they told me to make sure I know how it's cooked. So I messed up on that one.

 I still fell like nothing is happening on the weight loss front. I am holding steady at 258-260lbs. I have been trying to eat really well, but I feel like I am ready for a "fill" and I still have four weeks to go. I am so scared I am going to mess up because I don't have any restriction at all. My husband continues to root me on and motivates and encourages me. I am lucky to have him! I didn't get any exercise in yesterday as I left home at 7am to head to work and didn't walk back in the door until almost 10:30pm last night. Am I the only one who feels like I may have made a mistake getting banded? Don't get me wrong, I am very excited about my new life and I am making changes for the better everyday. But, I feel like even though I am 36lbs down since January, I am getting nowhere in the big scheme of it all and I am afraid of failing at this. I realize it's not going to happen overnight, but I feel like I should be further along than I am. I am only 10lbs doen since surgery on April 9, 2012.  I am just a little discouraged. I think I will feel better when I finally get a "fill".

 Well, I'm done with my pity party, now I feel better. Off to have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY!!! Hope you all do the same!

April 9, 2012....leaving for surgery, weighing in at 267lbs.

Excitement

   I know, I know, it's my third post today, but I am so excited about this blog!

  I just got back home from a 4 mile walk with my family. Normally this time of night I would be sitting on the couch eating ice cream, or cookies, or some other delicious junk food watching TV, but not anymore. This is my new life and I'm not screwing it up!

  This past week I have been a little discouraged, I haven't lost that much weight and I haven't been eating great. Remember, I still have no fluid in my band, so I am scared I am eating too much. I am determined to do better this week. My goal is to lose 14lbs before June 6, 2012. That is when I go back to the doctor for my first "fill". I pack my luch for work everyday so I'm not tempted to eat out. For supper I had baked salmon patties (recipe from pinterest), steamed butternut squash, and green beans. It was oh so yummy!!!! Oh, and over the weekend I ate steamed broccoli and actually loved it, who'd of thought?  But tomorrow night we are going to a friends graduation and going out to eat afterwards so I'm a little nervous. Wish me luck!

  I almost can't believe what a lucky girl I am. # 1 because I have God on my side, with out Him I couldn't do any of this. # 2 I have an awesome support group, my (skinny minny) husband encourages me everyday, my wonderful daughter has been exercising with me too. I have great friends that root me on. And I have a fellow bander that helps me through, she has been an inspiration to me. I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for her. So, I want to say thank you to you all!!!!

  Well, it's off to the shower then I'm hittin the sack. 4 miles makes you tired!

 

 

5K

I should have said this in my first blog, but it was my first time and I didn't think about it.....

On Friday May 4, 2012 I did my very first 5K. I loved almost every minute of it (the big hill kicked my tail). It was hard but I was so proud when I crossed the finish line in 55:27, I had tears in my eyes. 3.5 months ago it wore me out to walk to my mailbox so I would have never dreamed that I would complete a 5K this soon, much less jog parts of it. I am ready to do another one!

May 7, 2012

 This is my first EVER blog! I started my DOWNSIZING journey on January 19, 2012. Since then I have lost a total of 35 pounds. My Lapband surgery was on April 9, 2012, since then I have lost 10 pounds. This is tough, but I'm doing it! I never want to hear anyone say that weight loss surgery is the "easy way out" because it is not easy!
  I have my first "fill" on June 6, 2012. I am really looking forward to that.